The Do's And Don'ts of Augusta National

Hello, friends. The Masters tournament is this weekend, and you've probably heard CBS and ESPN are restricted in what they can and cannot say. Organizers claim they do not limit the broadcasters, but with contracts handled on a year-to-year basis, you can probably guess it wouldn't be hard to do. So what are the politically correct terms for Augusta National?

• The most well-known regulation is you may not refer to the "fans" or "gallery" - they are "patrons." In the 60's, CBS' Jack Whitaker referred to a group of patrons following a player as "a mob scene." He was never allowed on the grounds of Augusta again.
• Despite being referred to as "the rough" by everyone else in the world, Augusta insists you refer to this as "the second cut." And be careful commenting on the greens: in the early 90's, popular commenter Gary McCord said the greens were so fast they were "bikini-waxed." He, too, has never graced the grounds of Augusta since.
• You cannot refer to "the front 9" or especially "the back 9" - reportedly from Bobby Jones' fear it would sound like "backside."
• Broadcasters are also barred from promoting any shows during the broadcast, except for 60 Minutes, and that's only if the broadcast runs long into it's regularly scheduled time-slot. Good news is, we don't have to hear about The Big Bang Theory.
• Broadcasts are also only allotted four minutes an hour for advertising. Also, the advertising is limited to a select number of sponsors, and you can probably guess why the Goodyear Blimp is not overhead providing aerial coverage.

Of course, the broadcasters aren't the only ones with rules to follow. If you want to buy a ticket, you must be issued a badge which you apply for shortly after the last Masters, and you can be jailed for selling your ticket. And no electronic devices are allowed: no phones, tablets, or even cameras, and you may not run on the property. The white overalls the caddies wear are required, and were in use before the pros were allowed to use their own caddies in 1982. Previously, they had to use the caddies supplied by Augusta National, who were - Surprise! - all black.
Oh, and you're also not allowed to tip the help. Enjoy the golf, everyone!