Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Matt Harvey Can Go F*ck Himself



Here's the rules of how most sports radio interviews work (as well as pretty much every interview on the news, television, and magazines):
1. You're a person of interest that a radio show would like to talk to. You have endorsements from companies that would like for you to promote them. So a radio show will offer you the opportunity to promote your endorsements, as long as they can ask questions about how interesting you are.
2 - Be interesting, so that this radio show, as well as any other shows in this copycat business, will want to bring you back on. This will allow you more opportunities to promote your endorsements, making you a popular choice for future endorsers.
3 - Remember that no show wants to book you so you can just talk about your product: that would basically be a commercial. And radio would prefer a company to simply pay money to advertise for their show. That's why one third of an hour is left open to commercials: and national shows leave about 80% of that ad space for their local stations, which means that's a minute of precious ad time that they'd like your endorser to purchase.
4 - If you're a genuine asshat who wants to do an ad your endorser isn't paying for, a radio show will be less likely to have you back on, which means less opportunities to promote your endorsements. And if you can't promote your endorsements, they will be less inclined to pay you for them.
5 - If you're a colossal fuckdick who hasn't paid attention to rules 1-4, and you decide to go on a national show and do an ad, try not to be beligerent and try to have a coherent and interesting read.
6 - Always remember that it's not your show: the host reserves the right to hang up on your inept ass and clown both you and your company afterwards. Which is what a decorated name-brand pro like Dan Patrick will do. He's been working his game well before you were shitting your Pampers, and considering you're a Met, will probably be well known well after you're gone.
So congratulations, shithead. Enjoy having your ass deservedly handed to you.

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